Starting with today's blog, 'The Secret of Goal Setting', I will be recording a podcast version of my blog articles.  You can click the button at the bottom of each posting to listen to the audio version.  I hope you find the new option helpful.

Kyle C. Ryan

The Secret of Goal Setting

 

‘He who gains a victory over other men is strong; but he who gains a victory over himself is all-powerful.’

-Laotzu

 

‘The doer alone is the one who learns.’

-Friedrich Nietzsche

 

 

What is the secret of goal setting?  Is it writing them down? A very helpful tactic, but not it.  Is it stating the goal in the present tense? Again, helpful, but not it.  I know - Is it setting a deadline? Another key component, but not the secret.

 

The secret of goal setting is the person that you become by pursuing your goals.

 

Achievement is awesome.  I cherish every single goal that I have achieved.  Whether it was graduating from college with honors, surpassing my annual income goal, or purchasing my first home, they all felt great.  Accomplishing a goal brings a rush of satisfaction and pride that makes all of the hard work pay off.

 

However, the journey is even better.  Our achievements may become less relevant as every day passes. Things we acquire can be taken away.    Our experience, knowledge and development cannot.  It is during the journey that takes place in pursuit of our goals where we truly grow.  The journey is where we learn.

 

We learn that we accomplish a lot more than we thought we could.  We learn how the little things impact the big things.  We learn our strengths.  We learn our weaknesses.  We learn our limitations, or lack of them.  Any way you slice it, we learn.

 

Here is another great aspect of the secret of goal setting.  We learn and grow whether we achieve the goal, or if we fail.  In fact, sometimes it is in the failure to achieve a goal where we learn the most.  There is no better learning experience than failure.  We learn what not to do.  Which can be even more valuable that knowing what to do.

 

Goals force us to do things differently.  They make us dig down deep and get creative.  They challenge us.  Start a new journey today.  Set and begin pursuing a goal that will challenge you.  No matter if you achieve it or not, the person you will become in pursuit will be worth it.

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

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Ideas Are Nothing

 

‘All worthwhile men have good thoughts, good ideas and good intentions—but precious few of them ever translate those into action.’

-John Hancock Field

 

‘It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work.  Faith is mighty, but action with faith is mightier.  Desiring is helpful, but work and desire are invincible.’

-Thomas Robert Gaines

 

Ideas are nothing without action.  Everyone has ideas.  Most don’t take action on their ideas.  What prevents us from taking action?  Let’s focus on two of the big ones.

 

You want everything to be ‘just right’ before you take action.  Here is the news flash, everything will never be ‘just right’.  You can always have more money in the bank.  You can always fine tune your product before you take it to market.  You will never have enough free time.

 

Unfortunately, many a life has gone by waiting for everything to be ‘just right’.  Many ideas never had the chance to manifest and benefit the world because things were never ‘just right’.  While we wait for the perfect time to come, our ideas get stagnate and slowly disappear.

 

You can’t see all of the steps between your current state and the idea.  You will never be able to know all of the steps that you will encounter once you begin taking action.  There will always be uncertainty present.  How is a 300 page book written? One word at a time.  If you need to know the entire story before you begin writing page one, the book will never be written.  

 

It is helpful to use the analogy of driving a car on the highway at night time before the invention of GPS.  You have the idea of driving from point A to point B, but certainly can’t see all of the potential obstacles, traffic, and signs between point A and point B.  You can only see a few hundred feet in front of your car.  However, you take action and drive anyways.  You turn when you can see the sign tells you to turn.  You slow down when you see a branch that has fallen in the road.  At the end of your drive, you reach point B.  Maybe not exactly how you thought your drive would go, but you arrived.

 

Have you ever told someone about an idea you had, and they said, ‘great idea, you should do something with that’?  Did you do something with it?

 

There is no better time than the present to do something about your ideas.  Take action.  Your idea could be great, or nothing could come of it.  But please, don’t always wonder what might have been had you taken action.

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

The Happiest Place on Earth

 

‘If you can dream it, you can do it.’

-Walt Disney

 

‘Disneyland is a work of love. We didn't go into Disneyland just with the idea of making money.’

                -Walt Disney

 

‘The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.’

                -Walt Disney

 

I recently had the pleasure of spending two days at Disneyland.  It had been awhile since I had been to the park, and I had never been as a father of young children.

 

We had a priceless experience.  When you are there experiencing the excitement and energy with children, there is nothing like it.  Watching my daughter’s face during the holiday parade is a vision that I will never forget.

 

In order to provide such a wonderful experience, there is a tremendous amount of work that goes on behind the scenes.  Every detail of every single character, ride, and attraction is meticulously kept up and extremely well done.  Even the background images and accents are flawless.

 

This amazing execution is not done by accident.  Ever since the beginning of the park, every employee is called a ‘Cast Member’.  If you are sweeping trash on Main Street, USA, do you think it helps to be called a ‘Cast Member’ rather than a janitor?  Of course it does.  It is an overt reminder that their job is an integral part of the overall show.  Every Cast Member knows that they are in a performance, and that they are providing an entertainment experience.

 

Disneyland is what happens when people are united by a strong vision and passion.  These people then go above and beyond to deliver this vision.  The result is generation after generation returning to create memories that last a lifetime.

 

 Walt Disney created Disneyland from an idea.  There was nothing like it when he first began his planning, and everyone thought the park would fail in the first year.  Instead, he created the happiest place on earth.  Everything first starts with an idea.  In the words of Walt, Quit talking and start doing.

 

Kyle C. Ryan

Passion

 

‘Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.’

-George Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

 

‘Chase your passion, not your pension.’

-Denis Waitley

 

‘You never achieve success unless you like what you are doing.’

-Dale Carnegie

 

Passion.  What a great, positive, emotion generating, word and concept.  We all intuitively know that we want to live a life full of passion.  We all want to spend our time doing things for which we are passionate.

 

But for most of us, putting this concept into practice is pretty darn tough.  For some, it may be difficult to identify what exactly it is that you are passionate about.  Maybe there are things you really enjoy, but you aren’t sure how you could spend more time doing them, or even if they are truly your passion.  For others, you know the things that you are passionate about, but you are dealing with your current reality of obligations and responsibility.  You just don’t see how your passion can play a larger role in your life.

 

For that first set of us, it is often much easier to identify the absence of passion, than it is to identify what you are passionate about.  Use this to help you to identify your passion.  If you are not excited to face your day, ask why not?  Is something missing?  What would make you excited to face your day?  Whatever you do, do not discount your thoughts as silly as they may seem.  Nothing is impossible.  Sometimes we learn a lot about what we do want, about our passions, through experiencing what we don’t want.

 

Now, for those of you that know your passion, but just can’t seem to find a way to incorporate it into your life, I pose a question.  This one cuts right to the chase.   I learned this from John Assaraf, in his book, ‘The Answer’:

               

‘How will you spend your life?’

 

This is a sobering realization.  You are spending your life.  It is a finite resource that you are choosing to spend.  Are you going to choose to spend your life full of passion? Or spend your life always waiting to someday spend time on your passion? 

 

If something out there excites you, try it.  If you can’t get a certain challenge out of your head, do it.  For some of you, a big change is the only way to add passion, for others it might be trying something small.  No matter what, incorporate what you are passionate about into your life.  There is no success without passion.

 

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

Don’t Worry

 

‘I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.’

-Mark Twain

 

‘How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened.’ 

-Thomas Jefferson

 

‘Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.’

-Glenn Turner

 

 

Quick two part exercise.  Part one: What are you worried about right now?  Ok, if you are anything like me, it is pretty darned easy to get a list going.  There are certainly a bunch of ‘what ifs’ that loom out there when I choose to think about it.  Geez, it is downright scary and I feel my body tense up just thinking about all of my ‘what if’s’. 

 

Part two:  What were you worried about one year ago today?  Wow, this is a much more challenging exercise.  I am able to come up with a few that I can recall.  Those that I can recall turned out fine and were not as big a deal as I remember worrying about.  The funny thing, I am certain I had a lot more than a few ‘what if’s’ a year ago, just as I do now.  Why can’t I instantly recall them?  Because they never happened!!

 

Hindsight is a wonderful tool to help us with the present.  We all have spent an inordinate amount of time worried about the ‘what if’s’ in our life.  We all know with the power of hindsight that most of them never happened.  Use this insight today.  Don’t worry about what might happen, more than likely it won’t.

 

Worry is negative goal setting.  You are allowing your mind to focus on the worst case scenario.  You are filling your brain with negative information and negative outcomes.  This is the exact opposite of goal setting.  Why would you do this to yourself?

 

Well, it seems that we have this worry function built into our brains.  It was probably first installed to keep us alert and alive from the wild predators that we were living amongst a long, long time ago.  If you lived among Lions, it was probably a good thing to be worried about them crouching behind the bush up ahead.  Unfortunately, this is still a part of our brain. 

 

Accept this and make every effort you can to focus on the positives and what you can control.  Our tendency to worry is exactly why it makes sense to spend time working on yourself by creating positive mental habits.  There is no simple trick to stop worrying.  You must work out your mind just like you work out your body.  Keep focusing on the positives in life.  Smell the roses, cherish the successes.  Don’t waste your time on energy worrying about things that will probably never happen.

 

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

Structure or Spontaneity

 

‘A prudent person profits from personal experience, a wise one from the experience of others.’

-Joseph Collins

 

‘There is nothing more miserable and foolish than anticipation.’

-Seneca

 

 

My focus today is the balance between structure and spontaneity.

 

I am a creature of habit.  I feel much more comfortable when my days are structured and things go according to my plan.  I wake up at the same time every day and have the same morning routine.  I time block my day and write a daily to do list.

 

On the other end of the spectrum are those of us that purposely do not plan the day.  Let things come to them and decide how they feel and what to do throughout the day.  Most days are spent bouncing from task to task.

 

Which one is better? Neither.  Most people are probably in between the two examples, but lean one way or the other.  Success is not determined by how you go about your day.  The challenge is to accept which category you fall into, structure or spontaneity, and then force yourself to try the other. 

 

Every once in awhile, I force myself to change my routine, I force myself to not be structured for a day.  And every time I do this, I gain new insight into how I work and my productivity.  As an example, I have discovered that an occasional cat nap in the afternoon provides me a tremendous productivity boost. 

 

If you live your life in a structured way, take a break.  If you live your life spontaneously, try a dose of structure for a day.  I guarantee that you will learn something new.

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

Gratitude

 

‘The habit that has helped me the most is learning to be thankful.  It is the greatest secret of success.’

-Charlie Tremendous Jones

 

‘Blessings we enjoy daily; and for the most of them, because they be so common, most men forget to pay their praise.’

-Izaak Walton

 

It is our natural tendency to focus on what we do NOT have.  To focus on what we have yet to achieve.  To focus on what hurts us.  It is much more challenging for us to focus on being thankful for what we do have.  To be thankful for what we have already achieved.  To be thankful for what makes us feel good. 

 

Let’s look at some simple baseline facts.  Everyone reading this right now has access to a computer.  Well, if that is the case, you more than likely have a roof over your head and food to eat.  You were able to get out of bed this morning when the alarm clock went off.  I am even willing to wager that you have someone in your life that cares about you, probably even more than one. 

 

Nothing I just mentioned should ever be taken for granted.  They are not guaranteed.  These are just the baseline stuff.  You undoubtedly have much more in your life to be thankful for.

 

Spend a few minutes being thankful.  Be thankful for your family.  Be thankful for your friends.  Be thankful for your health.

 

Doesn’t it feel great?  No matter your situation, you have plenty to be thankful for.

 

Make gratitude a habit.

 

Form your new gratitude habit at either the beginning of the day, and/or at the end of the day.  Jon Gordon advocates starting your day off with a gratitude walk.  Smelling the roses and thinking about all you have to be grateful for is certainly a fantastic way to start the day.  Personally, I have made gratitude part of my nightly routine.  I go through my list of all the things for which I am thankful for before I fall asleep for the night, shaping my mind on gratitude while I sleep.

 

Let me get this straight, being thankful isn’t only about the feeling.  The world seems to work in a very just way.  Being thankful for what we have, makes getting what we don’t yet have, much more likely.

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

Let Children Teach Us Part 2

 

‘You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.’

-Wayne Gretzky

 

‘Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.’

-Winston Churchill

 

‘When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.’

-Mark Twain

 

We can learn an awful lot from watching kids.  There is one thing in particular that all kids do that we as adults find quite annoying, but in reflection, we should do more of.  They ask.

 

If there is something my daughter wants to do, she asks if she can do it.  If there is a toy or movie she wants to have, she asks if we can buy it.  If she wants to play with her friends, she asks to play with her friends.

 

Here is the crazy thing. She gets some of the things that she asks for.  That is right, a decent amount of the things she asks for, she gets.  And how many of things would she get if she didn’t ask for them?  A whole lot less, because my wife and I wouldn’t know she wants them.  I am not going to write about what happens when she doesn’t get what she asks for, maybe some other time.

 

Sure, it is annoying that kids are constantly asking for what they want.  It is annoying that they usually don’t stop at the first or second no either, and aren’t afraid to ask the other parent after the first said no.  But, at least we know what they want.

 

At some point, a lot of us stopped asking for what we want.  And guess what happens when you don’t ask, you don’t get.

 

I am not talking simply about wanting material things and asking for them.  It is about communication.  People don’t know what you want unless you tell them.  No one can read your mind.  This goes for co-workers, siblings, parents, clients, spouses, none of them. 

 

Ask your spouse to try and stop that habit that really bothers you.  Tell your boss that you deserve a raise.  Ask a client if they know anyone else that can use your services.

 

Go ahead and try it.  Stop waiting for someone to read your mind. Pretend you are a kid and don’t worry about what might happen.  Ask.  You might just get it.

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

Faith

 

 

‘Faith is to believe what we do not see; and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.’

-St. Augustine

 

‘Faith that the thing can be done is essential to any great achievement.’

-Thomas N. Carruthers

 

‘It takes vision and courage to create – it takes faith and courage to prove.’

-Owen D. Young

 

Take a moment and think about the last goal that you achieved.  The last time that you established a clear, measurable goal, and then achieved it.  It doesn’t matter how big or small this goal was, just something you set out to achieve.  If you are like me, this is a great memory that brings about a bunch of positive emotions.

 

Now, I would like you to remember everything that you did that helped you achieve this goal.  Remember every action and thought you took in pursuit of this goal.  Now, take a moment to remember all of the setbacks, difficulties, and negative thoughts that you overcame in your pursuit of this goal.

 

If you are like most human beings, the first exercise, remembering achieving a goal, was fairly easy.  The second exercise, remembering all of the details you encountered while achieving a goal, was a head throbbing, impossible exercise with millions of thoughts running through your mind.

 

I asked you to go through this exercise to prove a point.  Most of the time, the details aren’t that important.  Don’t get caught up in them.  Don’t let them derail you off course.  In retrospect, you will hardly even remember them.

 

Unfortunately, we often don’t pursue the things we really want in life because we just can’t see how we are going to get from here to there.  The goal seems so out of reach that we just can’t get our mind around all of the steps we need to take to get there.  We let the details stop us in our tracks, and we never get off of the ground.  In the early stages we hit some road blocks, we start doubting our ability to achieve.

 

I encourage you to take a different path.  Decide what you want in life and have faith that you will get there.  Obviously, your actions and habits are going to be essential to your achievement.  But, they mean nothing unless you have faith. 

 

Your faith will be challenged, just like it was during your pursuit of the goals you have already achieved.  Remember your achievements and believe that more achievement will come.   As the saying goes, the darkest hour is right before the sun comes up.  Don’t stop believing during the darkest hour.  Have faith that the sun will come up.

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

What really matters?

 

‘What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us.  What we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.’

-Albert Pine

 

‘I have an irrepressible desire to live till I can be assured that the world is a little better for my having lived in it.’

-Abraham Lincoln

 

‘You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.’

-John Wooden

 

"We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from life."

-William Osler

 

Picture what your relatives will say about you at the first holiday get together after you are gone.  Your kids, grandkids, spouse, extended family.  How will they describe you?  What will they miss about you?  What stories will they share?  How will you be remembered?

 

I know this is a difficult and emotional exercise.  But, please take a few moments and let it sink in.

 

They won’t list off all of the material things that you acquired.  They won’t pull out your bank statement and talk about that.  They will talk about how you impacted their life.  About how you added value to them, believed in them, lent a shoulder when needed, or just plain showed up every time.

 

What do you want them to say?  How do you want them to remember you?  Isn’t this what really matters?

 

What they remember about you is a collection of what you do, and how you interact, every single day.  You have the ability to make positive contributions every single day and in every interaction.  These don’t have to be big to have an impact.  The smile, the hug, the time you spend being genuinely interested.  By being attentive to who they are as a person.  By encouraging them in whatever they are pursuing.

 

This isn’t only about family.  Family is just the most poignant example.  It is about every one you interact with in your life.  Friends, colleagues, even workers you interact with at the store.  Are you adding value to them?  What are you giving to them?

 

Do you contribute to lives of others every day?  A great question to ask every night before you go to sleep is, what have I given today?  This simple question serves as a reminder that we are here to give, not to take.

 

What really matters is our relationships.  Make sure you put them at the forefront.  Leave the legacy that you want to leave.

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

Optimism – Reverse Paranoid

 

‘For myself I am an optimist-it does not seem to be much use being anything else.’

-Sir Winston Churchill

 

‘The optimist says we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true.’

-James Branch Cabell

 

‘Most of the troubles of humanity are imaginary and should be laughed out of court.  It is folly to cross a bridge until you come to it, or to bid the Devil good-morning until you meet him—perfect folly.  All is well until the stroke falls, and even then, nine times out of ten, it is not so bad as anticipated.  A wise man is the confirmed optimist.’

-Andrew Carnegie

 

‘The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist.’

-J. Harold Wilkens

 

Do we live in a great world? Or a troubled one? 

Are you destined for success? Or failure? 

Are people out to help you? Or hurt you?

 

If you chose the first answer, you are an optimist.  If you chose the second answer, you are a pessimist.

 

Optimism:   A disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.

 

Pessimism:  A tendency to stress the negative or unfavorable or to take the gloomiest possible view

 

Which one of the two views would you like to have?  Which one those two views would you like your children to grow up having?  Who would you rather work for?  Who would you rather be friends with?  Who would you rather help out?  Of course, it is the optimist.

 

I ask all of these questions to stress that it is absolutely obvious that it is much better to be an optimist than a pessimist.  It is undisputable that success belongs to the optimists.  It is amazing how when you believe good things are going to happen, they happen.  And when you think bad things are going to happen, they happen. 

 

How we choose to view the world is up to us.  The answer to all of the first three questions I asked is an opinion.  There is no fact that you can show me to prove the world is troubled where I can’t show an opposing fact to show you it is great.  You can point to an instance when a stranger harmed you or someone you love, and you can point to an instance when a stranger helped you or someone you love.  You have the ability to shape your world view.  Choose to be positive, or choose to be negative.

I have heard people that tend to take the pessimist point of view say that they are only being realistic, and protecting them from being let down and hurt.  Since bad things happen in the world, you are better prepared when you expect them to happen.  My take is that yes, bad things happen in the world.  However, it does no one any good to worry about the bad that might happen.  If it does happen, you will have to deal with it either way.  Save yourself the negativity and worry.  It is much better to overall quality of life to expect good things to happen.  And when you expect people to treat you well, they tend to treat you well.

 

As W. Clement Stone said, be a reverse paranoid.  Believe that the world is conspiring to do you good.

 

It just might.

 

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

Adversity

 

‘Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up.  They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all you were intended to be.’

-Charlie Tremendous Jones

 

‘That which does not kill you makes you stronger.’

-Friedrich Nietzsche

 

‘Be open to the fact that when things don’t work out, it’s probably giving you the opportunity to be where you really should be.’

-Scott Hamilton

 

‘Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.  Circumstances and situations do color life but you have been given the mind to choose what the color shall be.

-John Homer Miller

 

When I look back at the adversity that I have been challenged with in life, I am thankful.  I know that each of those events and instances helped me grow, learn, and made me better.  Did I feel thankful during the events?  Of course not.  They felt horrible.

 

In the middle of every difficult situation, we do not have the benefit of hindsight.  It is difficult to understand and comprehend what you will learn from this experience.  It is nearly impossible to estimate the full impact and change.

 

In the middle of every difficult situation, you can hold on to the knowledge that you will learn something.  You can hold on to the knowledge that the event will turn out something new and different to look forward to.  You can hold on the knowledge that you will learn and grow from this experience.  You can hold on that you will get through it.  You have every time before.

 

I tore my rotator cuff on my pitching arm when I was in high school.  At the time, I was a star athlete with a bright future using that arm in either baseball or football.  I was immediately faced with having to sit out of sports for at least a year, and with complete uncertainty if I would be able to have any future in sports.  As you can imagine, I was crushed and confused as to the meaning of this and the impact to my future.  All in all, a very difficult time in my life.

 

With the benefit of hindsight, tearing my rotator cuff is one of the best things to ever happen to me.  I learned so much about myself in the aftermath of the injury that I do not believe that I ever would have if things would have continued to come easily for me.  I point to that event as the springboard to my success in education and my subsequent career.  I do not think that I would have experienced the same level of success without adversity.  I know that I became a better and more understanding person in the aftermath of the injury as well.  I am thankful for my injury.  It opened me up to new opportunities that I did not know before.

 

I am writing this with the benefit of hindsight.  But, I keep my story in mind every time I face adversity.  It is helpful for me to remind myself that there will be positive in the outcome.  I might not see it just yet. 

 

I encourage you to find your story and remember it whenever you face difficulties.  You will get through it.  You will be better because of it.

 

Kyle C. Ryan

 

I do it for the mirror

 

 ‘There is no better measure of a person than what he does when he is absolutely free to choose.’

-Wilma Askinas

‘What we think or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence.  The only consequence is what we do.’

-John Ruskin

‘The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow.’

-William J.H. Boetcker

 

‘The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses.  It is won behind the lines, in the gym and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.’

-Muhammad Ali

 

Discipline:  Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.  Controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.

Most people that know me would call me an intensely disciplined person.  They just don’t necessarily know what drives my disciplined behavior.  Most think that it is because of my intense goal setting routines and focus on success and achievement.  That assessment isn’t far from the truth, but it is actually a little more personal.

I am disciplined for the mirror.  When I look myself in the eye, I want to be able to see someone that backs up what he says.  I want to be able to see someone who walks his talk.  I can see that right there in the mirror.  I know if I held all of my commitments or not.  I know if I took short cuts or not.

If I don’t see someone who is walking their talk; if I don’t see someone that his holding up their end of the bargain; then what does everyone else see?  Then what do my kids see?

Through the course of my life I have failed my share of times.  The failures that haunt me the most are when I didn’t walk my talk.  It is when I did not make the most out of opportunities that I had.  They are failures of discipline.

Whatever is important to you, have discipline in your approach to it.  If it is financial and business success, have discipline in how you spend your time working.  If it is being a great parent, make sure you spend quality time with your kids.  If it is being a certain weight, have discipline in your diet and exercise

I do it for the mirror.

 

Kyle C. Ryan

Be Uncomfortable

 

‘Failures do what is tension relieving while winners do what is goal achieving.’

-Dennis Waitley

 

‘The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.  For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.’

-M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled

 

‘The difference between getting somewhere and nowhere is the courage to make an early start.  The fellow who sits still and does just what he is told will never be told to do big things.’

-Charles M. Schwab

 

                                ‘And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.’

-Erica Jong

 

Remember back to your very first day of something big; your first job right out of school, your first day of college, or your first day at a new school. 

I was scared and uncomfortable when I walked through that door.  These are some of my most vivid and intense memories.  The unexpected is difficult, the questions you ask; will they like me? What is everyone else going to be like?  Did I dress the right way?  Wow, what a difficult and uncomfortable situation.  I get a little nervous even reliving some of those memories.

Now think about all that you learned from those experiences as a whole, not just that first day; your first job, college, elementary school, high school.  You are probably flooded with a host of memories; all of the friendships, accomplishments etc.  I am sure that you undoubtedly learned a lot during that time.  It is important to remember this fact; you would have none of those memories and accomplishments if you didn’t have that very first uncomfortable day.

All of the experiences that I listed above you could describe as pretty much mandated.  You have to go to school for a certain period of time, at some point you have to experience a first day of work.  However, the lesson can be extrapolated to any experience.  In order to grow, achieve, and experience success, you must start by first being uncomfortable.  You must force yourself to be put in positions and try things that make you uncomfortable, that you fear.  We need tension to grow and achieve.  We need to break out of our comfortable habits to move forward.

Almost without exception, when I speak with people about their ‘risky’ decisions, and by ‘risky’ I mean perceived by others as ‘risky’ and that were uncomfortable for the person, they only talk about how glad they are that they took that respective plunge.  Mind you, this includes ones that didn’t turn out well.  Categorically, people look back and positively reflect on what they learned and who they became when they did something uncomfortable. 

It is important that we look for opportunities to be uncomfortable.  Go take a ballroom dancing class even though you are self conscious about your dancing, go join a speaking club like Toastmasters if you fear public speaking, learn how to use a new computer program even though you are intimidated by computers.

In order to grow as a person, you must first be uncomfortable.

 

Kyle C. Ryan