No Limits

‘If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.’

-Thomas Edison

‘You have absolute control over but one thing, and that is your thoughts.  This is the most significant and inspiring of all facts known to man!’

-Napoleon Hill

‘Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.’

-Henry Ford

‘Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.’

-Theodore Roosevelt

Do you have any limiting beliefs?  I am not smart enough.  I am not creative enough.  I am not disciplined enough.  I am just not good at that.

I am willing to wager that you have some limiting beliefs.  That there are some beliefs that are living in your mind that place a limit or constraint on who you are and what you think that you are capable of doing.  Where did these beliefs come from?  Your parents?  A teacher? Your friends?  Maybe you have a vague memory of someone making a statement and labeling you as a child.  When you really think about it, I bet this belief isn’t based on much fact.  And if it is based on fact, it is probably from a few limited instances in your childhood.  Unfortunately, if you hold these beliefs in your mind, you will act as if they are true.  You are limited. 

Here is the exciting part.  Beliefs are learned.  Your mind learned to place that limiting belief on you.  You were not born believing that you were not smart enough to go to the school of your dreams.  You learned to believe this from somewhere.  Now, if beliefs are learned, then they can be un-learned and replaced with a different belief.

Imagine if you had the opposite belief.  I am smart enough.  I am creative enough.  I am disciplined enough.  I am good at that.

I bet you had a little bit of smile after reading those statements.  Why not replace your limiting beliefs with new ones?  Are you scared?  You might be scared to see what you are truly capable of doing when you take away your limits.  When you get rid of your limits, you will find what amazing things you can do and accomplish.  Break through them anyways.  It is ok to be scared.

Do you think the four gentlemen who provided the quotes at the top of this article allowed others to limit them?  Of course not.  Do you think they had some fear when they took on things that others thought they were not capable of doing?  Of course they did.  However, they decided to believe in themselves, not in anyone else’s limits.  And we as a world have benefited by their contributions and accomplishments because of this.  

Never place limits on yourself.  Never place limits on others. 

                ‘You can be and do whatever you want in the world’

This is what I tell my daughter and son every night before they go to sleep.

Kyle C. Ryan

The #1 Ingredient for Success

‘Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.’

-William Feather

‘I haven’t failed.  I’ve identified 10,000 ways this doesn’t work.’

-Thomas Edison

‘The Dictionary is the only place where success precedes work.’

-Quincy Jones

What is the #1 ingredient for success and achievement? Persistence.  No, it is not talent, nor is it luck or circumstance.

Let me share with you the dictionary definition of persist: To hold firmly and steadfastly to a purpose, state, or undertaking despite obstacles, warnings, or setbacks. 

Wow, what an inspiring definition.  The power of persistence is undeniable.  It is impossible for anyone to discount the importance of having persistence in the pursuit of any goal you desire.

Now, here is the million dollar question, why is having persistence so difficult?  A more tangible way to ask this question, why is it that 95% of diets fail?  This is a fact, 95% of the time that someone begins a new diet, they fail.  All of these diets start with an admirable goal and positive actions to begin with. But, why do they fail?  The answer is actually quite simple. Most people are derailed from their diet by an obstacle or setback.  Something happens that makes staying on that diet more difficult.  You are in a hurry and had no choice but to stop for fast food, or you are at a birthday party and are offered cake, the list can go on and on.  The result of this difficulty is either an obstacle or a setback.

Now the key to persistence, whether is in a diet, in your business, or in any other pursuit of a goal, is how do you deal with obstacles and setbacks?  Do you bounce right back and hold firmly and steadfastly to your purpose? Or do you give up?  Those are your only two choices.

I might be stating the obvious, but you must realize and accept that in your pursuit of any goal in life, you will encounter obstacles and setbacks.  Nothing worthwhile is ever achieved without facing them.  How will you decide to react when faced with your next setback?

The most important secret to improving your level of persistence; Make sure that you are passionate about any goal that you set out to achieve.  Make sure that you really want it.  That it excites you in every way imaginable.  It is tremendously easier to practice persistence in the face of obstacles and setbacks when you are completely passionate about the goal that is on the other side. 

It gives me solace everyday to remember that it is persistence that is the #1 ingredient for success.  Why?  Because I can’t control my innate talent or circumstance, but I can certainly control my persistence.

Kyle C. Ryan

Let Children Teach Us

‘If you can dream it, you can do it.’

-Walt Disney

‘It never occurred to me that I couldn’t do it.  I always knew that if I worked hard enough, I could.’

-Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics

‘You see things; and you say Why?  But I dream things that never were; and I say Why not?

-George Bernard Shaw

‘Imagination is more important than knowledge.  Knowledge is limited.  Imagination encircles the world.’

-Albert Einstein

Watch young children play for a few minutes and you will be amazed by all of the ways they use their imagination.  Whether it is putting some lego blocks together into a new structure, or two friends playing a make believe game and running around outside, children are constantly using their imagination.  They are always trying new games and activities without hesitation.

Ask a young child about what they want to be when they grow up, and watch them light up and tell you with certainty all of the things they will be and do.  A princess, a dancer, a basketball player, a singer, you name it they can picture themselves as that dream.  They believe that they can do anything!!  I can’t help but smile just thinking about the enthusiasm and resounding belief that children have in the dreams. 

When did it stop?  When did you stop believing that you can do anything?  When do you stop using your imagination?  When did you stop dreaming?

At some point, we all let outside influences put limits on our dreams.  Break out of those limits.  Highly successful people like the group that supplied the quotes at the top of this article do not have limits, why should you?  If there is something that you desire or if there is something you want to be when you grow up, get started on it now.  Don’t allow yourself to come up with excuses and rationalize why your dream is no longer practical.  Keep your dream alive. 

We tell our children that they can be and do anything they put their mind to when they grow up, why can’t we?

Kyle C. Ryan

Goal Setting

Do you have clear, written goals for your future and have you made plans to accomplish them? 

Now, why do I ask that question?  It is best explained by telling you about an often cited study conducted by Harvard University in the 70’s. Students were asked, "Have you set clear, written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them?" Only three percent of the graduates had written goals and plans; 13 percent had goals, but they were not in writing; and a whopping 84 percent had no specific goals at all.

Ten years later, the members of the class were interviewed again, and the findings, while somewhat predictable, were nonetheless astonishing. The 13 percent of the class who had goals were earning, on average, twice as much as the 84 percent who had no goals at all.  What about the three percent who had clear, written goals? They were earning, on average, ten times as much as the other 97 percent put together! Yes, ten times as much.  Now, I tell you this story not to emphasize the importance of money, but to demonstrate the power of goal setting. 

I believe goal setting is fundamental to achieving what you desire.  Today, I am sharing with you tools to assist you in getting the most out of goal setting.  The 4 pillars of goal setting:

1.       Write your goals down

2.       State your goals in the present tense

3.       Your goals must be stated in a positive manner

4.       Your goals must have a deadline or specific date

The most common approach to goal setting is the following; you spend an hour or so at the beginning of the calendar year writing down all of the things that you plan on accomplishing during the year.  You then put them in a drawer somewhere and then close to the end of the year, you take a look and see how you did.  If you do this, that is awesome, and better than most everyone, better than 84% of Harvard grads.  Well, imagine what you can accomplish by putting a little more process and effort into your goal setting. 

One of the common pitfalls of goal setting is to write in the future tense.  An example goal that I know I can relate to ‘I will lose 20 pounds by the end of the year’.  Now, say that sentence out loud, ‘I will lose 20 pounds by the end of the year.’  Now, although this is a fantastic goal for a lot of us, the statement itself is actually a negative one and not all that powerful for your mind to feast on.  The focus is on what you will do and on losing pounds.  Let’s try a contrasting goal statement, ‘I weigh my ideal weight of 190 pounds on December 31^st, 2009’. Now, say this statement out loud, but you can substitute your own ideal weight.  ‘I weigh my ideal weight of 190 pounds on December 31^st, 2009’. Do you feel the difference?  This goal statement is positive, feels good when you say it and focuses on already accomplishing the goal.  There is a big difference in your mind between the first goal statement; I will lose 20 pounds, no real commitment, the picture that you are painting in your mind is of dieting and losing weight, and the second goal statement; emphatically stating that you weigh your ideal weight, committed, positive, the picture is of you at your physical ideal. 

Placing a specific date also helps to paint a picture in your mind.  You can envision actually stepping on the scale and weighing yourself on that specific day.  Your mind has a clear vision to work towards.  A goal without a deadline has no urgency.  We all know that our natural tendency is to procrastinate, a deadline gives you urgency.  As you approach that deadline, your mind will feel the tension and start figuring out ways to help you reach your goal.  Without a deadline, this positive tension never occurs.  You are just always hoping to attain that goal.

 Another example using present, positive and a specific date, this time a financial goal ‘My W2 shows $250,000 for 2009.’  You can actually see that picture of the W2. A goal should never be stated as a negative.  You can always switch the language to make it a positive statement.

If you have written down goals before, you can attest to the power of actually writing them down.  Just that simple act of putting the pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, releases something from the brain into action.  A great example of the power of writing things down is if you go back to your days as a student.  On the occasions that you took notes during class, you can attest how much better the lecture sunk in than the times you chose not to take notes.  Once those goals are out of your mind and on to paper, they are crystallized and become real and tangible,   and your mind senses that and will make an effort to attain them.

Personally, I used to do the once a year goal setting described above, and it worked, I would periodically pull the paper out during the year and remind myself of my goals.  I did this every year and was amazed that I hit most of my goals.  However, I heard a statement from the great personal development speaker and writer Brian Tracy, ‘if you see the results from yearly goal setting, imagine what would happen if you did it once a month, a step further, once a week, or low and behold once a day.  That if you wrote down your goals every day that your mind would really find a way to make those goals come to fruition.  That your goals become so engrained in your mind that you can’t help but focus on them.’  After I heard this statement, I decided that I had to give it a try.

For the last number of years I have taken his words to heart, I write down my goals every morning.  To clarify, this is not a ‘to-do’ list for the day, but my medium and long term goals.  Sometimes they change as my priorities change, but it helps my mind focus on what I am trying to accomplish before I run out into the details of the day.  My results have been astonishing compared to the once a year method.  I realize that every day might be a stretch to start right now.  But I encourage and challenge you, to make it a process.  Put it on your calendar and stick to it.  Whether it is once a month, once a week or whatever you choose.  The consistent effort allows your mind to see what is important to you and it will figure out how to attain those goals.  I end this article with a bold statement; consistent goal setting will bring you more success and achievement to your life than ever before.

Kyle C. Ryan

Call to Action!

‘Today, I am asking you to take action.  To take action towards achieving whatever it is that you desire, whatever it is that you picture as successful.’  I recently began a speaking engagement with the preceding two sentences, and ended the same engagement with perhaps my favorite quote:

‘Action does not guarantee happiness, but there is no happiness without action.’

                                -Benjamin Disraeli

Well, today I have a challenge for you.  It is not all that hard, and the benefits are tremendous.  First, please take a few minutes and think about a goal that you have.  It could be anything, big or small, whatever comes to mind.  Now, take a break from reading this and write down what this goal is.  This is important, you must write it down.  The process of writing a goal down on paper makes it real and tangible.  Just writing it down turns it from a hope or idea into a goal.  Goals are attainable; hopes, not as much.  Now, for the second part of the challenge; make a commitment to take action in pursuit of that goal today!  You must do something in pursuit of this goal today.  Write down what action you are going to take.  Now do it.

‘A journey of a thousand leagues begins with a single step.’

                                                -Confucius

Let’s say that your goal is to become conversationally fluent in Spanish.  Well, go purchase an audio cd and start listening.  Eventually, enough of listening and practicing makes you fluent.  It has to start somewhere.  Or your goal is to be a more attentive parent.  In that case, spend 1 hour of undivided attention with your kids tonight.  Whatever your goal is there is absolutely some form of action that you can take today.  Even an ambitious example like this goal, I want to make 1 million dollars a year.  If this is your goal, you can dedicate 30 minutes to brainstorming and writing down all of the different ideas you have to make money.  You won’t make 1 million dollars a year without having great ideas and taking action.

It is often the first action that is the most difficult.  By taking the first step, each subsequent step is easier.  Nudge the snowball over the hill and watch it grow as it races down the hill.  Make a commitment to take action toward your goals every day.  Once you do it today, tomorrow will be easier.

Here is a recent example from my life.  One of my goals is to eventually write personal development books.  Now, writing a book is a long process that can seem incredibly ominous.  At times, it is overwhelming for me to think about writing a complete book with all of the other commitments in my life.  However, rather than be frozen by the enormity I made a decision to take consistent actions in pursuit of this goal.  The first day of writing was by far the most difficult.  But, I got something down on paper and each time it is easier.  I now write at least one page of content and ideas per week.  This equates to roughly one paragraph a day.  I added writing one paragraph a day to my daily to do list.  Recently, I made the decision to switch my writing into a weekly article and using the blog format that you are reading now.  These actions will eventually allow me to reach my goal.  It started with one paragraph.

Imagine what you can accomplish if you take some form of action every single day in pursuit of all of your goals.  If every single day, you do something to get better.  It is not necessarily the goals themselves that we are after; it is the happiness and fulfillment that comes from the pursuit and the journey.  There is no happiness without action.

Kyle C. Ryan

Confidence and Fear

How many times have you tried to do something new and were fearful and a little bit scared?  Probably a bunch, I know I have.  Then you went ahead and did it, and realized it wasn’t that bad.  The second time, did you have the same fear? Probably not.  What was the difference? Confidence.  The second time, you knew you could do it.  You were no longer afraid of the unknown.   Here is a challenge, why not approach everything you do and try with confidence?

I know that last question makes it sound easy.  But, why does almost everyone struggle with confidence in one form or another?  Besides the broad and generic concept of fear, one major reason is because for some odd reason, we seem to really care what other people think about us.  I know this is something that I have to continue to work on and address on a daily basis.  One point well worth remembering: what people think about almost all of the time is themselves.  That is right; other people are not spending a bunch of time worrying about how you are going to perform when it is your turn to speak in the meeting, or if you are qualified to work on this project, or even if your outfit matches perfectly.  They more than likely have not thought about it at all.  They have enough of their own fears to think about.  Then, why are you so worried about what they will think? They aren’t.

Fear is obviously a huge opponent and obstacle of confidence.  I know, this is another obvious statement by me, now what can we do about it?  The best way to handle fear, is just to step right into it, simply take action.  It is almost never as bad as you were afraid it would be.  When you watch a child not want to try a new food, they are fearful of how it might taste.  However, after they try it, almost always, they realize it wasn’t that bad, often they actually like it.  Now, your fears are just as irrational as the child trying a new food.  Are you afraid of being rejected when you call someone?  Well, most of us have called someone and had the worst response possible, and you know what, it isn’t that bad.  If having someone hang up on you is the worst that can happen, when the best that could happen is you could earn a lot of money, or the job you want, for goodness sakes, make the call.

I find myself at times allowing fear to impact my confidence.  It usually doesn’t surface the way that fear does in the movies.  I don’t start sweating and curl up in a ball.  What usually happens is I procrastinate.  Yep, I find myself not tackling something.  Usually, when this happens, there is some type of fear involved.  When I tell myself that I am procrastinating because I am afraid, it immediately snaps me back into confident mode.  Once you embrace that fear is constantly creeping into your day to day actions and tasks, it makes it easier to overcome.  You will never completely conquer fear of rejection, or whatever other fears you have.  But, when you know that you are not doing something because you are afraid, it is easier to step into it.

Another tool to overcome fear and replace it with confidence: visualize yourself with confidence.  Picture yourself having success.  Many studies have shown that your subconscious mind does not know the difference between a vision and what has actually happened.  You don’t need to have experienced a positive event in something in order for your mind to believe you will be successful.  You just need to make yourself believe that you will be successful.  I know this sounds overly simple again.  However, I can’t make it more complicated.  You can convince yourself of success in just about anything.  Do you think Olympic gold medal winners pictured themselves on the podium many times before the event actually happened?  Of course they did.  Most of them will tell you that by the time the event actually happened they expected it since they had already experienced it in their mind.  Are you thinking, that is great for an elite athlete, but how does that apply to me?  The exact same way!  Confidence and success are accomplished through your thoughts.

Kyle C. Ryan

Make Today a Masterpiece

“Make each day your masterpiece.”

John Wooden

This beautiful and simple quote from the great UCLA basketball coach sends chills down my spine.  What a wonderful way to approach each day.   Would you rather approach today like it is just another Thursday in July in which I will go through my normal morning routines, hustle to work, and watch a few hours of TV? Or approach today as if it is your masterpiece?

The dictionary definition of masterpiece: ‘a person’s greatest piece of work’.

If you were fortunate enough to have the opportunity to design your masterpiece day, what would it be like?  What would you do?  How would you interact with people?  Asking these questions forces me to reflect on what I do best, what I enjoy, and what I have to offer others.  What comes to your mind?

Now, I don’t believe that you should feel any obligation or pressure to do something extraordinary every day.  You shouldn’t feel like you must succeed in every interaction and activity that you participate in.  Nor should you blow off your obligations that you don’t necessarily enjoy.  However, you can certainly approach each day, and each obligation, with the attitude and energy that you are going to make the absolute best of it all.  That you will use each moment of the day in the best way you possibly could have.  Now, wouldn’t that be cool?  Well, why not? 

I believe that there are so many small things you can do each day in striving towards your greatest piece of work .  It might be just smiling and saying hi to a stranger as you walked by and unbeknownst to you was having a horrible day.  It might be giving your kids extra attentive time playing a game that they love.  It could be pushing yourself to try something out of your comfort zone.  This list is endless, and different for each person.   The most important piece, do the small things the best that you possibly can.    

Wooden expresses the importance of today with the following quote directed at his basketball players and their approach to practice.

“You have to give 100 percent every day.  Whatever you don’t give, you can’t make up for tomorrow.

 If you give only 75 percent today, you can’t give 125 percent tomorrow to make up for it.’

Seize today.  Live today like it is your masterpiece.  We are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Kyle C. Ryan

'Have To' vs. 'Choose To'

You do not have to do anything.  You do not have to get up to go to work tomorrow, you choose to get up and go to work tomorrow. 

This might come across as a shock, but the truth is that even though you have a list of things that you feel like you have to do and have to get done, the world would carry on just fine if you didn’t.  I encourage you to run through your mental ‘have to’ list right now.  What is on it?  Laundry, cooking, meeting the deadline for your boss, waking up at a certain time in order to be at work.  I have great news; you don’t have to do any of those.  Now, I am not encouraging you to sleep in and watch soap operas all day tomorrow.  My point is that you absolutely do not have to do them.  The world would be an ok place if you didn’t.  For those of you confused, this is about mindset, not about laziness.

If you were to eliminate the word ‘have to’ from your vocabulary, it would be a liberating exercise.   Try and do that with me.  Think of all of your upcoming obligations that normally you feel that you ‘have to’ attend, and tell yourself that you are ‘choosing to’ attend.  Let’s take an example.  You are going to a family birthday party next weekend that you feel that you have to attend so that you don’t upset your family.  In your mind, tell yourself that you are choosing to attend.  Let me let you in on a secret, you are choosing to attend, no one is physically going to come handcuff you, throw you in the trunk, and drive you to the party.  When you tell yourself that you are choosing, immediately the positives about the event flood your thoughts, all of the love that will be shared by your family, how much it will mean to the birthday person that you are there.  That simple change in wording is powerful.

Let’s take this a step further.  Ask your significant other or friend to call you out every time you say ‘have to’.  Or start a ‘have to’ jar that you put a dollar in every time you say it.  Once the jar is full, you will donate the money to charity.  It is well worth while to put something in place to try and alter your ‘have to’ vocabulary.  Making a change in your external vocabulary works to force a change in your internal vocabulary.  And it is our internal vocabulary and dialogue that influences every single aspect of our mindset and our happiness.  Eliminating the ‘have to’ mindset is one of the more freeing choices you can make.   

One exercise from which I continually benefit is the following.  Think about the current day only in terms of choices.  What does that mean?  At the start of the day ask yourself the straightforward question, what things do I choose to do today?  When framed by that simple question, it creates a liberating view of the day.  My mind immediately gets excited about how I am going to choose to spend my day.  It is amazing how choosing to do one of the household chores on the list actually feels great.  As opposed to the guilt when my wife nags me about it (rightfully so) for the fifth time and I finally do it because I feel like I have to.  One scenario is rewarding, and I feel a sense of accomplishment.  The other I feel a slight sense of letting my wife and me down.

Before you hit the pillow tonight, rather than asking yourself the standard, what do I have to do tomorrow?  Flip that question around; what am I going to choose to do tomorrow?  You will put your mind in a place of control and freedom.

Kyle C. Ryan

Choose the Positive Habit

We all have habits.  Our days are filled with so many habitual activities it would be impossible to count them all.  The same sequence of things that you do to  get ready for work every morning, the route you drive every day that you often day dream through large sections of, constantly checking your blackberry or phone, having consistently negative thoughts about the current economy.  These are all habits.  Let me ask a question about all of these examples, do you have the choice to change them?  Absolutely!!

No one can deny that we are in challenging times.  You see it every day in the news, every time you talk to your friends, business associates, and family, the facts are everywhere.  In fact, the negativity is now so prevalent, that it has become habit to bring up the bad economy as a conversation starter.  Well, if negativity is on the tip of your tongue, it most certainly is in your thoughts. 

‘The best way to get through hard times is to take action – not by feeling sorry for yourself.’

John Paul DeJoria

Yes, the economy is bad.  Yes, it is a tough time.  Yes, there is uncertainty.  However, what action are you going to take today?  Right now, what are you going to do?  Are you going to continue to read the headlines that tell you what you already know?  Are you going to continue to engage in conversations where you leave feeling worse than when you started?

I challenge you to take action today.  Make the choice to be positive, right now.  Not tomorrow, not when the economy looks better, right now.  You can make that choice.  Just as you can make the choice to eat your breakfast before you check your blackberry tomorrow, you can choose to be positive.  When you wake up tomorrow, tell yourself that you are going to be positive.  Really make the commitment to give it a shot for one day.  When someone asks you how you are doing, tell them ‘Great’.  You might think this is just putting lipstick on a pig, or some other metaphor.  However, I know that you are doing great.  I know that you have so many things to be thankful for, your family, your health, your freedom.  When you tell that person that you are doing great, you will feel positive.  Try and turn that day dream car ride into something positive as well.  Use the time to call loved ones and friends you haven’t caught up with in awhile, or listen to a positive audio book.  Make the choice to turn monotony into a positive, productive experience.  You will have begun making the choice of being positive, and you won’t look back.

‘But the fact is that I wouldn’t have won even a single Tour de France without the lessons of illness.  What it teaches is this: pain is temporary.  Quitting lasts Forever.

Lance Armstrong, Every Second Counts

The economy will get better.  There will be opportunities that present themselves only after a tough time.  Why wait to make the choice to be positive and forward looking?  At the next get together you attend, would you rather talk to the person that wants to talk about foreclosures, or the person smiling and talking about how great the weather has been recently?  Be the positive person.  Choose the positive habit.  It’s contagious.  Not only for those around you, but most importantly, for you.

Kyle C. Ryan